Episode Two: Are You Kidding Me?

  Lola’s Diary
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From Episode One.

“Oh I’m sorry officer,” I say softly.
He nods gently and I hand him the documents. He walks off toward his cruiser and stays for what seem like an eternity. Then he comes back and hand me my license, registration and believe it or not… a ticket!
A frigging in the rigging god forsaken unhealthy ticket.
“F*ck him, what nerve,” I curse.
“That’s just what I needed,” I remark quietly.

Episode Two: Are you Kidding Me?

“That’s a warning! Get it taken care of right away,” the State Trooper says politely.


I feel a rush of relief and a sense of guilt for cussing at him.
“I will,” I say in a cracked voice.
“Good, have a good evening ma'am,” the officer replies.
“Oh thank you,” I add.
I have been under a lot of stress lately but when I pause to think about it. State Troopers are there to keep us safe. I should always remember that! Something tells me that I wouldn’t feel that way, had I received a $100.00 ticket and not a warning ticket. It’s amazing what grace can do.
I pause for a few minutes and gather myself not caring about that F*cking sitter.


"Oh! Pardon my poor manners, I didn’t introduce myself,"


My name is Lola Campbell and I have been in Washington for 7 years. I work as an attorney at Spivak& McClellan a media entertainment law firm on K Street in D.C. I’m a graduate of the University of Lagos, attended Law School in Victoria Island and was called to the Nigerian Bar.


Anyway, that’s enough about me.



I catch my breath, activate my traffic signal and roll back in traffic leaving the officer behind on the shoulder.


I’m heading I 395 South towards Springfield and traffic has suddenly gotten lighter. I speed up and maneuver between traffic. I get to the mixing bowl, a twirl of a highway and coil around like a snake as I dive in what seems like a merry go round. Next thing I know, I exit towards Old Keene Mill Road.


It is interesting catching the traffic lights.


“Oops! I just ran a red light,”


I look around nervously like a Catholic priest caught with his pants down.
I swallow hard and look around furtively as the light changes in the other direction. A Fairfax County police cruiser makes a right turn and gently travels in opposite direction. I hold my breath and look in the rearview mirror just to be sure he or she isn’t coming after him.


“F*ck ‘em all! All them Motherf*ckers,”


It’s another 7 minutes drive before I pull into the daycare and Fatima is waiting with Deola.
She is outside ready to dispatch her like some unwanted child.


“F*ck this ignorant bastard!” I curse under my breath.


Deola comes running before I could come to a stop.
I take a deep breath and apply the parking brake.


“Mommy, Mommy!” Deola screams.
“Dolly!” I say in feigned cheer.


I step out of the car and hug Deola. Her coat is not buttoned and it is 27 degrees outside. So I have it for this b*tch of a daycare provider. I adjust her coat as Fatima looks on.


“Bitch!” I curse softly and smiling to conceal my anger.
“What Mommy?” Deola asks.
“It’s nothing baby,” I say smiling.
“Wow! I’m passive aggressive. Do I have an anger problem? …No seriously reader, what do you think?”


I’m really tired of this f*ucking bitch. She is some filthy frigging ignorant b*tch and I’m in no mood for her garbage.


“…Wouldn’t you hit Fatima over the head with a spatula the way she was discarding Deola like some unwanted child? Coat unbuttoned. Or do you think I’m overreacting here. No! Really, Reader I want your opinion,”


While musing...


“$35.00 late fee!” Fatima barks with outstretched hand.


I could kick her.


“$35.00 I say!” she declares.
“Yes you were 35 minutes late, you know the deal. Don’t play,” she continues snapping her fingers.
“God help me!” I mutter.
“Okay! Let’s get it,” she snaps her finger.
“What you’re going to get is a can of kick ass if you don’t get the f*ck away from my car,” I feel like saying.
“Can I bring it tomorrow?” I plead trying to contain my frustration.
“Huh! No credit on late fees, you know the drill. You pay now!” She says with a tinge of arrogance and disdain.


I couldn’t tell which is which.


“Well, for starters, its freezing and Deola should have her coat buttoned...," I started saying and was cut short.
"Well, if you arrived on time, you can pick her up in the house. I have errands to run you know," she says interrupting me.


I can see that this is not going anywhere.


"Well, I don’t have change here with me,” I say calmly.
“Well, you can’t take her then,” she declares in a drawl mockingly faking a foreign accent.
“What is this, a hostage situation?” I ask.
“Call it whatever you like, whatever label you want is fine with me but she’s not leaving until you pay me,” she declares.
“Calm down Lola,” I appeal to myself.


I started walking to my car and she runs after me and past me. She reaches in my car through the open window and grabs the car keys from the ignition.


“Oh no you didn’t,” I say and fly into a rage.
“Get the f*ck out of my car…” I scream like a banshee spirit.


Frightened, Deola jumps out of the car as this mad woman plucks the key out of the ignition and pockets it.

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Come back next week and we'll talk about my personal insecurities.

See ya! Lola's Diary

To be continued… Catch Episode Three: My personal Insecurities
Tuesday December 28th

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